Just Me Being Me: Learning How Low Effort/High Stakes Self-Care Works
Self-care isn’t so hard when you let go of the curated social media version of it. Self-love is not all bubble baths, listening to records, sipping cocktails, and getting your hair and nails done.
Just Me Being Me is literally just me being me, living my life outside my comfort zone when it happens as it happens. Since I’m a dedicated introvert, this doesn’t happen much, which makes it doubly interesting when it does.
Remember when I said that my 2025 would focus on self-care? Turns out that’s an easy promise to make but a bitch to keep. Here’s what I’ve learned so far: It’s not easy to prioritize self-care when you’re always tired. And while self-care is good for you in theory, there are often no instant rewards for it in practice—so it’s hard to train yourself to put in the effort.
Tips for Low Effort/High Stakes Self-Care
Of course, many types of flare-ups can signal when self-love is missing from your life. You may find yourself in an extended depressive episode, start an argument with someone you love out of nowhere, or freeze and let your household chores pile up. These may guilt you into going back to self-care practices, but go back and read that again. “Guilt”? Self-love should never manifest out of guilt because part of that love is knowing you deserve it.
I readjusted my framework and perspective because a guilt-based approach was no longer acceptable. My new approach is based on the answer to one question: What makes me want to do something—possibly over and over, without prompting?
Because I’m always anxious and tired, that’s the only thing that matters. What will make me want to do it over sitting on the couch or napping? The answer is simple.
Make Plain Vanilla Your Favorite Flavor
No, really. The answer is simplicity—just plain, without extra mix-ins or effort. My favorite self-care flavor is Vanilla. What I mean is that I like self-care practices that are easy to do. For example, I walk every day for exercise because I don’t have to learn how to walk like I’d need to for something like lifting weights. Eventually, I’ll get tired of Vanilla and look for another flavor, and that’s okay. But Vanilla will always be there, even when times are hard.
Internalize the Idea That You’re Worth It
Self-love is just the radical, unconditional acceptance of who you are in entirety and not just what you do for others, what you contribute to the world, or what you’re worth financially. You don’t have to earn the right to practice self-care. And you can choose not to practice anything at all—complete rest is also a form of self-care.
You are worth the hours you spend sleeping. You are worth the time it takes to cook your breakfast. You are worth using two eggs in a meal! You are worth prioritizing over everyone and everything else.
Listen to What Your Body Needs
Yes, listen to what your body needs. But really, I’m referencing an old piece of advice I remember from long-ago internet: If you feel like everyone hates you, go to sleep. If you feel like you hate yourself, have a shower. If you feel like everyone hates everyone, go outside.
It helps when you refocus the narrative: If you feel like everyone doesn’t love you, go to sleep. If you feel like you don’t love yourself, have a shower. If you feel like everyone doesn’t love everyone, go outside. When my anxiety drives me up the wall, I go to sleep. And I sleep more often these days—I no longer think I’m weird for needing more hours of sleep. Showers have become the focus of my self-care routine. What I call my “Long Bath” is actually a long shower, and it’s the non-negotiable self-care practice on my weekly schedule. And after work—when I feel like I’m ready to kill someone because I’ve been bottling up my feelings all day—I go outside to walk.
Create Rituals of Celebration
Before I take that daily walk, I log off Slack and transition from work Maria back to plain old Miao. I’ve recently turned that entire part of the day into a cute little ritual I look forward to every day.
I start by putting on some music—these days, I’ve been listening to a shared playlist by The Unspoken—and lighting a candle. Then, I change out of my pajamas and into my workout clothes in front of the mirror. I put on my mask and Bluetooth earphones, pull my hair into a ponytail, and take a big gulp of water from my bottle before blowing out the candle and heading out.
Here, I’m celebrating not only the transition back to my base self but also the existence of all my selves. And I’m celebrating caring for my body and mind through my daily walks.
Don’t Be Afraid to Cry
I always cry, and I used to think it was a problem. I thought it was a symptom of terrible emotional health and tried to hide it when it happened—my favorite hangouts for my cry-outs: bathrooms, closets, elevators, tubs.
But it turns out that crying is good for you—and, therefore, a form of self-care. So, don’t be afraid to cry for any reason at all. I cry all the time when I walk and often in my long showers. It’s like a micro-ritual, and I can do it anywhere and at any point in time.
Don’t Be Afraid to Dance
Did you know my mother’s side of the family is one of dancers? My mother and sister are great dancers in our core family, so I’ve always felt embarrassed about not knowing how to dance. I even took social dance classes for university P.E. units to get better at it.
For all that effort, I didn’t develop a bone in my body that could dance. But sometimes, I still do—and I’m always silly about it—because how can my dancing be wrong if I’m trying to be ridiculous? For real, though, I dance because I feel closer to my family when I do. And that’s a very particular type of self-care practice I’m trying to cultivate.
What’s Your Favorite Self-Care Practice?
How hard could it be to light a candle sometimes and cry a lot all the time? The opposite of self-care isn’t self-harm—it’s not even trying at all. Self-care isn’t so hard when you let go of the curated social media version of it. Self-love is not all bubble baths, listening to records, sipping cocktails, and getting your hair and nails done. But honestly, if that works for you, don’t listen to me. Tell me all about your favorite self-care practice! I’d love to hear from you.
Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash
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favorite self-care practice is definitely dancing, screaming and letting it out haha