OverFlow: Breaking Up with Myself
Create a relationship with yourself that is filled with love and permanent. Break up with your old self to make room for you as you are now.
OverFlow is what happens when I overthink, overflow, and over-everything. When my feelings have nowhere to go, I write about them.
I haven’t had a lot of experience with breakups. I often say that Raf is the first person I loved—because everyone before him didn’t spark that kind of love that I now know is permanent. And really, that’s the definition of love I want in my life. That’s what makes breaking up with myself so much more painful! You’re supposed to spend forever with yourself, right? Well. Maybe not all of you.
This was the first track on my Release Radar playlist on Spotify last Friday! I thought it was a sign to release this post into the world.
Cruising in the Comfort Zone
Who are you when you’re alone—when you’re cozy, it’s quiet, and no one’s around? That’s what I first worked on answering when I was getting to know myself as self-care. That version of you is you in your comfort zone—the most relaxed, expansive, unapologetic expression of yourself.
To keep that version of you alive, you might have developed bad habits that you don’t know are still there. Those habits could have merged and created you as you know them. I saw myself as a young, mute, helpless child with no support and riddled with trauma, so I was overly defensive and overly afraid of being perceived. It sounds terrible, but it was what was familiar to me. It was reality, and it was me—and now what I call my shadow.
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
It takes a long time to unlearn bad habits and even longer to feel comfortable enough to show your authentic self to the world. So, where I am right now on this path is not well-trodden. I’m at the point where I’m changing—for the better—so much that I’m realizing I don’t recognize myself. The self I’m familiar with feels like a favorite toy slowly forgotten and kept up on a high shelf.
I’d identified that I was going through this maybe a few weeks ago, but initially, I described it as grieving the death of my old self. However, as old habits continue to pop up unexpectedly, I’m seeing that we’re not dealing with death here—just a breakup with my shadow.
The old me has settled in a small, dusty corner of my heart. My shadow hasn’t gone away because it loves me. That’s what’s important to remember. Everything that gives the old me substance is due to self-love. I created this self to survive trauma and thrive! They would want me to continue on and create a new, improved self—but they won’t forget. Because if I ever need them again, they’ll be there.
But like all breakups, it’s crucial to remember why it’s happening. A love can seem so comforting that it’s easy to ignore inconsistency or lack of care. Old me would see attacks telegraphed over time and would always be on the defense, but that meant I never saw acts of love for what they were.
Being a Better Person
Breaking up with the old me means I get to create a new me with wild abandon. It’s like a typical breakup depicted in media—get a weird haircut, stop going to work, go on a bender, start a new hobby, etc. But because this is happening while you’re working on yourself and improving how you relate to yourself and others, the goal is to be a better person. Why not, right? Why leave your comfort zone otherwise?
I want to be a better person. I want to be there for myself and my loved ones, entirely in the moment when we’re making memories. I want my past to stop controlling how I communicate in the present so my future can be exactly what I want it to be.
Taking the Leap of Faith
I talked briefly about this journey of breaking up with myself last month. I didn’t realize back then that it wasn’t finding a new path to myself, grieving my death, or even going through a rebirth. But I was all in. It doesn’t take much to get me to take a leap of faith to improve myself and how others perceive me.
You may say my people-pleasing tendencies are showing, and you’d be right. But it’s also supported by a new me who knows how to focus on the fact that I want my loved ones to be happy and not on the fact that this could be a manipulation tactic. In any case, the point is that you need a leap of faith. You can’t stay in your comfort zone forever. That leads to stagnation and a lack of purpose.
Create a relationship with yourself that is filled with love and permanent. Break up with your old self to make room for you as you are now.
Photo by Fernando Rodrigues on Unsplash
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