OverFlow: What the Eclipse Taught Me About My Shadow
I like who I’m becoming when I’m not always tired or in pain or anxiety.
OverFlow is what happens when I overthink, overflow, and over-everything. When my feelings have nowhere to go, I write about them.
I don’t know if loving and making time for my shadow has made everything I do so much easier, or if I’m just getting better at doing everything. I’m doing what used to be 12 hours of work—and yes, chores count here—in 8 hours and I don’t often feel tired. My brain may need a little bit of decompression but I’m not knocked out and incapable of doing anything else for the day.
I like who I’m becoming when I’m not always tired or in pain or anxiety. Is this who I am with my shadow reabsorbed—or is something else at work here?
Did You Catch the Super Flower Blood Moon Eclipse?
Was it beautiful in person? I was, predictably, asleep when the actual eclipse happened here in Nevada at 4:18 AM. But I did see photos of the eclipse being captured from around the world—like we all did because we all look at our social media feeds for far too long. I did, however, spend the night of the 26th meditating and celebrating.
When we think of the eclipse, what we’re really recognizing is the rarity of the situation—not the event itself. The moon is more beautiful when it’s unobscured, perigee or not. So when we’re dealing with ourselves, why do we slip into our shadows so often? Why do we hide our beauty and live a lifelong eclipse? My shadow shouldn’t be tarnishing my shine. I should deal with whatever repressed emotions or thoughts I have so it stops shielding who I really am.
The eclipse taught me to embrace the beauty of my shadow—even if the only beauty lies in its shortening lifespan—but also to wait for the beauty of my true and uneclipsed self when it finally appears after I’m done working through my shadow.
What Does Shadow Work Do for Your Daily Life?
I feel like I should be saying something about how much time it consumes and how I never have time to do anything—but the opposite is true. I don’t see the beauty of all that I am just yet, but I think I’m starting to feel it.
You Learn to Relax
Maybe, for the first time in more than 30 years, my body and mind believe me when I say “I love you.” Maybe I am well-rested because I think of myself first and foremost. Maybe I’m no longer holding on to so many parts of myself that I’m scared of dropping and exposing. I feel years upon years of learned reactions fade and disappear from my body’s memory and I think I’ve never relaxed like this before.
I used to never relax. Have you ever experienced the doctor telling you to count from 100 to 1 after they give you anesthesia? Maybe I relaxed then, but that was only two instances in my life! All other times, I kept counting to 1 even though everyone had forgotten about counting.
You Learn to Not Care
All I ever want is acceptance and praise. Why is that? Maybe it’s because that’s what meant I was loved when I was a child. In my shadow, my need to please lived pretending that it’s a good quality. But now? Rent was due and I threw that baggage out the corner of Relaxing and Not Caring.
This is something my sister had tried teaching me at different times in my life and I just never got the point of the lessons. In my mind, a life without acceptance and praise wouldn’t be worth living. The joke’s on me, I guess, because here I am—still living and with much less stress and rage.
You Get Good Days and Bad Days
Today—I’m writing this on the 27th, the day after the eclipse and incidentally our 193rd monthsary—is a very good day. I made hash browns and eggs for breakfast, I took out the trash, I walked Loaf after feeding him, and I finished a whole day of work without feeling tired.
Another day might not be so good—and that’s not my fault, at all! I can’t control everything and sometimes days will suck. Sometimes I won’t like how a situation unfolds. Sometimes I won’t have a choice but to be stuck in it. But that’s only sometimes. Bad things happen but it’s not necessarily connected to anything I have any control over and THAT’S OKAY.
Without that stress of wanting to control everything, I think I’ve started to heal.
What Did You Do During the Eclipse?
Were you asleep, like me, or did you go out and bathe in the darkness? Did you have grand realizations and momentous ideas, as well? Let me know.
Photo by Tanya Trofymchuk on Unsplash
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