OverFlow: Missing My First Sunday Deadline
It has something to do with New Year's resolutions and consistency, productivity and worth, and self-love and vulnerability.
OverFlow is what happens when I overthink, overflow, and over-everything. When my feelings have nowhere to go, I write about them.
I didn't miss my first Substack Sunday deadline because I was too busy—in fact, I'm on my holiday break. I just forgot until minutes before 8:00 AM, when I realized I had nothing scheduled to publish. Now I’m writing something to publish at 9:00 AM. Why?
It has something to do with New Year's resolutions and consistency, productivity and worth, and self-love and vulnerability.
New Year's Resolutions and Consistency
I met my Substack Sunday deadlines consistently last 2024 because I made it a point to do so. It was my most ambitious New Year's resolution last year, and I stuck to it despite the difficulties I experienced.
If you didn't know, one of the lasting effects of my stroke in 2021 is that I can't read for a long time anymore. I can still do it for work—for research and editing—but I can't seem to keep up when I'm reading recreationally. Being on Substack challenges me because OF COURSE, I want to read everyone else's posts. They're all so interesting, and at a length I can digest, usually. Being on Substack constantly has allowed me to practice recreational reading at a pace that doesn't scare me. I still have books I'm trying to get through, but when handling a book makes me feel vulnerable, I can always open the Substack app to read my one page for the day—another New Year's resolution I've stuck to this year.
I post on Substack to feel like I'm part of the community that's healing me and to give back. Maybe my words are as healing to someone else as Substack has been to me.
Productivity and Worth
However, being on Substack has also made me question my thoughts and ideas on productivity and worth. These are two things that I worked on a lot when I went to therapy, when we were done dealing with my struggles with dissociation and derealization after my stroke.
Substack was a challenge, and my old habits clung to this with a passion. I was going to be consistent, no matter what. I was going to show the world my brain was fine after the stroke. I would prove I was still worth something, not brittle and damaged beyond understanding.
Writing for every Sunday seemed easier than sticking to things that would have actually helped me improve my health. I wasn't as consistent about maintaining a regular exercise routine, regulating my diet, or even drinking enough water. Why? I think it's because Substack is OBVIOUS—everyone knows when you've missed a deadline, and everyone can read what I've written. When I take care of my physical health, only I can tell. I can only boast about it to my doctor. It only benefits me and my loved ones.
What does focusing on Substack then say about how I handle my worth as a person? It's not looking good. I think I lost my way sometime in 2024. Posting on Substack became an obligation—a people-pleasing behavior—somewhere along the way, instead of a vulnerability practice.
Self-Love and Vulnerability
There's no room for self-love. That's the real problem with being an adult living in this modern world. It's all about taking care of your health, in every aspect: mental, physical, emotional, and social. That's on top of your work and home responsibilities, which are already on top of managing your closest connections with loved ones.
There's no time to work on yourself. And for 2024, I wanted to practice vulnerability—something my therapist wanted me to consider as we ended our sessions in 2022. I think I've done a good job of starting the process. I look over what I've published on Substack last 2024 and I feel great about what I've shared online and how I put those words together. But I don't think there was room to breathe, stop, and think about how that vulnerability was affecting me. I don't think there was anything in the process that benefited me.
I'm going to change that in 2025. Instead of vulnerability, I'm leading with self-love. Yes, I still want to be a contributing member of the Substack community. But I also want to be the best version of myself—and that starts with giving myself some space.
I'll probably publish posts less often, but who knows? I might just stick to my Sunday deadlines. We're just making things up as we go along, like proper adults. See you when I see you!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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