OverFlow: How to Fall in Love With Yourself
a.k.a. A Helpful Self-Care Guide for the Lost and Unaware
OverFlow is what happens when I overthink, overflow, and over-everything. When my feelings have nowhere to go, I write about them. Full disclosure: This is something I wrote on June 14, 2019. Last week was filled with anxiety, depression, stress, and worry — with a light sprinkling of rebounding grief. I didn’t get to write what I wanted to write for today’s newsletter, but here’s the next best thing.
In the past six weeks, I flew over oceans and resettled clear across the world with my husband and our dog — but this post isn’t about that great adventure. It’s about something unexpected and surprising that happened after the big move.
To clarify: This is not a story about how the United States allowed me to discover who I am. This is not a story about how the Philippines failed me — or about how I failed the Philippines.
This is so much more self-centered, which is actually spot-on the crux of the matter: This story is mine, about me. And what about it?
I Learned to Fall in Love With Myself — and You Can Do the Same!
Let me tell you how it happened, and how my four-step process may work for you, too.
1. Ask Yourself What Makes You Happy
What have I been doing differently? I sit in silence more often. I listen to my mind and my body, and I consider what would make me happy — not just right now, but all the time.
This is me putting in the work and enjoying the process because I’m looking forward to the payoff. I think of what happiness would look like on me, and instead of stopping there, I make plans and hit goals.
How did I get to this point, though? How did I go from couch potato to calorie-counting daily walker? Who is she? These days I sometimes have to do a double-take because I barely recognize myself.
Here’s how: Ever since we landed here in Vegas, we’ve been 🎶🎵 technically homeless 🎵🎶. We’re staying with very kind friends that happen to have a cozy and comfortable guest room to spare. #BLESSED, I know! But this new situation has really put me way out of my comfort zone — and when you’re already awkwardly in between places and feelings, it’s that much easier to try new things.
To recap: The first step is identifying what makes you happy. Feels like common sense, until you figure out that that’s the problem half the time. Common sense isn’t always so common!
2. Face Your Unhealthy Habits
Now to face the other way and see what’s been keeping me from being happy and in love with myself. We’re talking prolonged, awkward eye contact. Full-on dissection of ugliness.
Back in Manila, I’d think, “What am I gonna wear today? What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna go?” and I wouldn’t even have to take five minutes to answer.
I worked from home and rarely went outside. Most days were spent in ratty old shirts and panties, hitting my daily word count for work. After dinner, I’d melt into the couch and bathe in harsh digital lighting while watching a Netflix series.
Of course, this daily routine wouldn’t inspire happiness, passion, or excitement. I should have known that. Maybe I did know that, deep inside. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy, that I deserved just “enough.” Who knows what that silly goose was thinking?
Back then, I thought of these languid days and weeks as self-care. It truly wasn’t. I needed space and silence to heal, but sunlight and socializing were just as important. If I were a plant, I would have died from the regular diet of salty tears and no sun.
3. Create New Habits That You Love
Those unhealthy habits I left behind in Manila? Not really an option these days — at least, not every single day.
Funny how unhealthy habits seem so normal when no one’s around, but borderline red flags when you think of how they don’t fit your ideal lifestyle, or how they may be interpreted by others. Makes it so much easier to shed your old skin when you realize that you’ve outgrown your old markings.
How did I find these new habits that I love? It started with an over-correct. “Oh, no! HFCS everywhere and in everything,” I thought. I didn’t want my diet and health to get worse, so I started counting calories. The new routine relaxed me because it gave me something I could control.
Counting calories necessitated using an app, which happened to also track water intake. I started doing that, too. Then I thought, “Why not start walking?” — so I did.
On my first day of walking, I lasted less than 30 minutes at a snail’s pace and had to stop several times. Today I walked for a whole hour without stopping, averaging 98 steps a minute. It’s only been six weeks, but the improvement is staggering. I’m just... happier. Who knew?
Still only halfway to the average goal of 10,000 steps daily, but it's a great start for a potato like myself. My feet hurt at the moment, but the feeling of accomplishment is almost addictive.
4. Repeat Steps 1 Through 3
5. Make you fall in love with you. Haha! It’s true, though. That’s the ticket to falling in love with yourself and staying in love with yourself: consistently putting yourself and your happiness first.
I realize that any life coach or therapist would have — and probably already has — explained this entire exercise in a much more concise and universally relatable way. I don’t go to therapy, though — I know, I know — so a rambling exposition posted here is all there is for me.
What Happens When You Fall in Love With Yourself?
This is the best part — the part I’m currently in the thick of, the part I’m enjoying the most about this brand new experience. Let’s call it the honeymoon stage.
I’m noticing things that I used to tamp down or minimize because I used to — and sometimes still do — consider other people’s feelings and needs first. Now that I’m aware, it’s easier for me to correct the behavior, but it’s still difficult overall. It’s not easy to give up lifelong habits, and sometimes putting myself on top of my priority list feels unnatural — like I’m forcing myself to be right-handed when I’ve been left-handed all my life.
I like the person I’m falling in love with. I want her to stay here with me forever. Here’s to hoping that I will remember to repeat steps one through three, again and again, until it’s reflex.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
If you’ve enjoyed reading this or something else I’ve written, please consider buying me a coffee. ☕ Thank you!