OverFlow: 5 Things I Did That Healed Me!
Okay. I know that medicine and rest did a lot for me, but I'm really excited that I'm doing these five things again — after my stroke.
OverFlow is what happens when I overthink, overflow, and over-everything. When my feelings have nowhere to go, I write about them.
Ever since I stayed at the hospital and went through that thing that I don’t want to talk about, I’ve really been feeling a lot less like myself. Like I’m wearing a mask, or that something’s missing from whatever it is that makes up who and what I am.
Spent the rest of January and half of February recovering. Then, I tried to get back to normalcy bit by bit. I started doing four things that I’d stopped doing before or because of my stroke. I tried something new, too.
I feel myself coming back to myself — if that makes sense. When I do these things, I feel like I’m back on the path where I was when 2021 started. Who knows? Maybe this year will be good for me, even with the bad start.
1. Cooking Comfort Food
Okay, we’re not at the level of making pork sinigang yet — but that’s just because we haven’t been back to Seafood City in a while, and that’s where you can get pork cut for sinigang and a whole set of vegetables for it.
Instead, I’ve made Filipino curry, twice. I didn’t really like this recipe when I was growing up — I never asked for it or missed it. But I think what brings me comfort is the act of making it! I get to chop meat and vegetables. I get to fry the potatoes. I get to open a can of coconut milk. I get to smell the curry. And it’s all done in maybe an hour.
Also, I’ve been making a lot of fried rice. My mom called one morning and I had her on speaker phone while I was doing it and during that moment I thought, “Well, this is weird! But not exactly something I dislike.” Look at me getting used to talking to family without actually needing to do it! And look at me making fried rice. What!
2. Going Back to Work
It wasn’t until my first day back at work when I truly began to feel like myself. Most of my recovery time was like this weird fog of memory — just me not being me, me not remembering who I was. But when it came to work, I just showed up.
I complain a lot about the work I do, but that’s really only because the enjoyment I get out of the work I do is directly related to how good the writers I edit are. And since I used to do their job, I measure all of them up against myself. It’s a terrible, terrible habit and I feel bad for thinking the worst of writers who are just doing their best.
But yes. The enjoyment! I love it. I love reading people’s work and learning stuff from different projects. I love sending back projects for revision and interacting with writers just so they get better at what they do. I love feeling like what I do makes a difference — and I get paid doing it, too.
3. Deciding to Go to Therapy
My husband did most of the work here. When I finally broke down and told him that I was feeling the effects of depersonalization, he took it seriously and really made it a point to get me to therapy. He chose a therapist, made a call, scheduled an initial meet, and drove me to my first session.
Deciding to go, though. I admit, I probably would have brushed this off if my husband wasn’t so adamant about me going. It is so unnerving to tell a complete stranger about your life and then be ready to receive their advice as valid! The first session felt good, though. I think I’m going to stick to it.
4. Reading Tarot Cards
I think I stopped this a few weeks before going to the hospital. There was just so much to do all day that I stopped giving myself enough me-time to do it. And maybe I shy-ed away because I’ve been feeling like I should read for other people. It’s something that I’ve thought about, but I’ve never really been okay with doing. (I know. I’m weird.)
I’ve been reading for myself again recently. I’ve also been getting to know the new tarot card deck I bought over the holidays. It’s going okay so far — but I can feel my intuition avoiding me. Maybe there’s a part of me that’s mad at myself for not taking care of my body and brain. We’ll deal with that soon enough.
5. Starting Walking Again
As I’m typing this newsletter, it’s only been about an hour and a half since I got back from my first walk in months! I don’t even know what came over me. My workday finished and before I knew it, I was dressed for walking.
I was so overcome by the idea of me showing up for myself that I started crying a few minutes into walking. So for the next thirty minutes of walking, my eyeballs were very, very cold. My feet and calves hurt and it’s still so cold outside, but I did it! I beat the feeling of giving up by starting again.
What Things That You Do Heal You?
What have you been doing that’s been healing you through this pandemic year? Did you pick up an odd hobby or learn something new? Did you go back to a forgotten creative project or start on something completely new? Let me know!
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash
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